Comparisons (Dating as a Single Parent IV)

Thoughtfulness is a big deal to me. Great wads of money aren't necessary. Taking the time to listen to what someone needs and then helping them find that, means so much more.

I've mentioned before that Pickle is allergic to dairy protein. It's not been anywhere near as difficult as I'd initially imagined. But it does mean I have to read labels constantly as you'd be amazed at some things that dairy can turn up in - I've found it in everything from sausages to hummus.

On an earlier coffee date, BigTed took me to one of the local coffee shops I'd yet to try (brownie points) then led me to a nearby shop called Nana's Kitchen. Just to check if they had dairy-free Easter Eggs for Pickle.

So when Sparky invited Pickle and I out for a picnic, then the day of taking us, asked me to sort Pickle's lunch as there was a specific bread he wanted to buy for lunch and he "didn't want to check if it had milk in it", didn't bode well. I had, in fact, already made Pickle's lunch along with snacks for the day, as this is what a Mummy of a kid with allergies does. But...

So onto the inaugural evening date with BigTed that I'm sure you've all been chaffing-at-the-bit to find out about (of course you're all living vicariously through my dodgy love-life)...

My lovely friend Deb, arrived early to play with Pickle so he knew she was there, and we went through the bedtime routine which fortuitously was a breeze. I madly dashed around doing hair and make-up having previously checked with a *ahem* number of stylish friends on which dress option to go with (thanks Mikey, Katy, Liam and Brett). Accessorised with fabulous jewellery, bag and amazing, ridiculously high and glamorous shoes (of course). I honestly haven't been this nervous about getting ready for a date in yonks.

And then BigTed arrived. With a spray of orchids. Oh. Em. Gee.

I didn't know where we were going for dinner. So I was pleasantly surprised when we pulled up in front of Aegean Waters, Hervey Bay's French restaurant. I love Paris. It's my favourite city in the world, a fact that BigTed had obviously latched onto somewhere during dates one to six.

We ordered escargot to start and mandarin duckling for mains (delicious) and split a chocolate mousse for dessert. I'm a foodie, I eat on dates. No apologies.

The snails and duck were both new discoveries for BigTed, but he happily leapt in (a hugely appealing attribute) and loved them both (ridiculously satisfying for me, especially as it wasn't me cooking).

We went for a drive along the foreshore, stopped at a scenic spot and... Talked. Hah, had you there for a minute didn't I?! Yes, we'd been talking over dinner. But it was more relaxed and since we're not teenagers, it would be a bit contrived to be snogging in a car, surely?

BigTed asked if he could show me his house (don't get ahead of yourself, where did it get you last time?!) where he did eventually kiss me. It was great. I may have wondered - out loud (Freudian slip?) - what had taken him so long... And then he took me home again. Well, maybe not immediately, but that didn't happen, he was an utter gentleman and there was no presumption, which was really nice and terribly appealing.

I may have dissected the date with Deb when I got home. Not least because she was a little surprised I was on my own. There will be an 8th date! I may even stop counting them.

So how do you break-up with someone (Sparky) that you haven't even held hands with?

Cheers, KangaRue :)

Tiny Chaperone (Dating as a Single Parent III)

Dating as a single and "older" Mummy is definitely different from my dating experiences when I was in my 20s. Gone are the cocktails. The requisite sky-high heels. Late nights, when I only worried about getting the last train home, and - depending on the day - the necessity to drag myself out of bed for work the next morning.

These days, it's scheduling coffee or lunch (hopefully) while Pickle is napping. I used to think people shouldn't introduce their kids to prospective partners until at least a few months into a relationship. As a single parent, this just isn't an option - for me anyway. Pickle goes to nursery twice a week, which is great for his development and also gives me time to study for my counselling degree, hunt for a student placement/work role and do a spot of procrastinating blogging. I have to stay focussed on my work days, it would be too easy to fritter them away.

Both Sparky and BigTed are single Dads, so they are both pretty understanding. BigTed and I have had dates at the local playgrounds and gone for cycles. Sparky took us for a picnic and swim at a nearby tourist spot.

But here's the dilemma. I've now been on five or six dates with each of these guys, and haven't so much as held hands with either of them. I can't snog* someone with my toddler watching, that just seems so wrong.

It now seems like such a big deal as well.

BigTed has suggested taking me out for dinner for our next date. This would obviously require a babysitter. So do I divulge my private life to my parents? I know I'm an adult, but talking to my parents about dating makes me feel like an awkward teenager again. And that wasn't a great experience the first time around, so I'm loathe to experience it again. My lovely friend Deb has offered to Pickle-sit should I need it, but I hate asking for favours from people. While they adore each other, I want to make sure it's a worthwhile endeavour... is BigTed worth it? Or should I take the opportunity to have an evening date with Sparky instead? The resounding response on both the blog and Twitter was definitely in BigTed's favour last time, so perhaps the universe has already decided?!

So how do other people do this? Is the lack of snogging* surmountable?

Cheers, KangaRue :)

* for the non-English readers, that means kiss (pash for the Aussies, but I hate that word with a passion - no pun intended)

Dating as a Single Parent (I)

I've been dating.

I've mentioned the tragic date with the semi-toothless guy and being propositioned by Dr. Coy... But thankfully there are some slightly more eligible and attractive male specimens in Hervey Bay. Some of them are even below OAP age!

In my past dating life, I used nicknames for my dates with my friends. The main purpose it served was as an easier way for my friends to distinguish them - BoyWonder was named not only for his age, but also because he had a bit of Clark Kent going for him. I intend to keep the tradition going, with the added benefit of providing a privacy protecting pseudonym for my suitors.

Two contenders stand out so far. Both are single Dads with shared care for their kids.  The first we'll call Sparky. He's a lovely guy, thoughtful and relaxed.

I found it a little weird that he didn't know what a blog was though. I get that someone might have never read a blog (though I am struggling with getting my head around this alone). But to not even know what a blog is? I'm pretty sure I ballsed up the explanation too. His sense of privacy means he baulked at the idea of blogging at all... So not sure I'll divulge his inclusion here. He's also not particularly open conversationally - though we've had great discussions about travel and a bit about food.

He's also doesn't eat red meat. Not a deal breaker in it's own right, but don't lecture me about my food choices. Someone pass me a steak knife please...

So Sparky should give you an idea of his line of work. I don't really care what someone does for a living, as long as they enjoy it and find it challenging or inspiring. Obviously not every day can be blissful, but otherwise slogging through a third of each day would be tiresome at best. But Sparky dropped into conversation that he's the boss, along with the properties he has invested in. I'm not sure if it's a nerves thing, where he feels the need to "big" himself up, but I've found it a little off putting - red-flags are flapping as previous relationships featured guys with underlying insecurity that manifested as bragging and arrogance, which eventually got directed towards me. So no thanks as a general rule. But we'll see. At worst, I'd like to keep him as a friend.

Details of my other suitor will have to wait for another day.

Being the boss and owning properties should logically be a draw-card, yet I'm finding it a turn-off... Am I nuts? 

Am I being naive thinking I can stay friends with someone I've dated briefly?

Cheers, KangaRue :)