Nailed It

I've been seething since the weekend. A parent of one of Pickle's friends told him "you'll have to stop Mummy painting your nails in a few years". I turned around and politely told this man that Pickle actually asks me to paint his nails and chooses the colour each time.

The "offending" toes - outrageous!

I'm allowing Pickle to express his individuality as he wants. He wants to put the pretty colours on his toes, like Mummy does. Is he likely to want to conform to gender norms down the track? Probably. But it will be his choice, not something I'm going to force on him.

Pickle has a tea set, he has a baby doll he nurtures, along with a myriad of stuffed toys.  Not to mention Lulu and Hermes, who are subjected to his attentions he also adores. He also has a Buzz Lightyear, dinosaurs, light sabers, laser guns and a train set. He plays with the lot, in fact the dinosaurs often have tea parties.

As a society we're (still) figuring out that girls/women are as capable boys/men - if I had a girl, I'd be buying her Goldieblox.  If you don't know what they are, there are some excellent videos on YouTube here and here, and a fantastic TEDtalk.

Can we do the same for our boys/men please? (But in reverse, if that makes any sense?) They can be - and indeed are - loving, caring and nurturing.

Picture from Stonewall UK - a great resource site

And what about Rainbow individuals? As a counsellor, I particularly want to work with children, young people and their families. The risk figures around mental health and suicide sky-rockets for Rainbow youth. By raising Pickle to be accepting of all people, I hope he'll be an influencer in his generation on acceptance of all people.

If I painted that man's toe nails, would it change his sexuality or preferred gender? I promise to get off my soapbox soon, but would really love it if you watched this video that asks the question gay people get asked all the time... and this mind-expanding TEDtalk about transgender youth.

As a girl, I think I had the best of both worlds, I had dolls (and cats) I dressed up, but I also climbed trees, and rode both a bike and a skateboard... I'd like for Pickle to have the same opportunities.

Do your boys paint their toe nails or play with tea sets? Do you allow your girls to build with blocks or train sets? 

Cheers, KangaRue :)

PS. Thanks for allowing me my rant!

Sydney Mardi Gras and LGBT Youth Support

I thought it would be timely, with the Sydney Mardi Gras Parade occurring tomorrow - and not due to my complete slackness of blog posting in February (yeah, right) - to comment on my friends vlogs and LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) support.

My friend Brett is doing the slightly crazy admiral task of a daily vlog (video blog for the uninitiated). In a recent post he talked about gay youth support. Brett also referenced his brother Kevin's post which stated the irrelevance of whether sexuality is a choice. I wholeheartedly agree with both their posts. Kevin in particular makes some really well thought out and articulate posts about same-sex marriage.

I grew up in the unusual position of knowing a number of gay and lesbian family friends. I've only come to discover in adulthood, that this actually was unusual . I presumed most people knew someone not straight*.
As part of my counselling studies I undertook a research project focussed on the LGBT community. I was horrified to discover that it was an anomaly to personally know anyone LGBT before coming out; it was pretty much non-existent. This impacts who LGBT youth come-out to, and potentially unsafe introductions into LGBT life.

The presumption of heterosexuality and the need to come-out is a whole other discussion in itself. I wrote a paper on the negative impact homophobic-bullying (the second most common form of bullying after weight, in UK schools) can make on young people questioning their sexuality. The use of the word gay as a negative, is never OK.

I'm passionate about working with youth, particularly LGBT youth. But I'm wondering if I'm going to encounter resistance being hetero myself? Is there a place for a straight* but supportive person to work in a niche where I'll likely be the minority? I hope so, especially as I'm now living in a semi-rural community; I believe these kids need to know there are supportive people in the normal* world.

I love the Mardi Gras. I'm gutted that I'm not going to be there again this year, especially as I'm now in the right bloody country! But if young people only get to witness the extreme images, and not the day-to-day of openly loving families of all descriptions, then I will despair. For this very reason, I'm hugely excited that the Australian Armed Forces are finally able to walk in uniform. I have also explicitly told Pickle's nursery that I'm happy for them to discuss families of all descriptions.

I would love to know your thoughts? Will you tell your children's school that you're explicitly happy for them to discuss families of all kinds?

Cheers, KangaRue :)

* I could honestly rant for ages on the use of words like "normal" and "straight" in this context, but I'll spare you. For now.