Doing a Demi

I've been meaning to write for a while about the incredible experience I had doing both Bump and Baby photography sessions with Harriet of Buckingham Photography.  A few of the photos are already posted around the blog, but I've done a collage of them here.  Harriet and I both had an absolute blast and a lot of giggles.  She's produced some really fabulous (and flattering) shots.  Even BoyWonder, who hates having his photo taken, admitted that our family shoot "wasn't that bad" - and believe me, that is high praise indeed.

I was enthusiastic about doing a Demi-style shoot - you know the one Annie Lebowitz did of her naked for the cover of Time Magazine.  I've always loved that photo, and I honestly felt beautiful while I was pregnant - I was doing what my body was made for.  Harriet had never done a nude shoot before, so it was a first for both of us, but was in no way awkward.  I was initially hesitant about whether I should share it or not, but figure it's on the Buckingham Photography website, so is already out there in the interwebs... so here goes:

You can win your own sitting and one 10x8 photo with Harriet in her Orpington studio (or give it as a Mother's Day present!), just use the form below to enter.

Opening the Pickle Jar or Out Through the Sun-Roof

There is so much negativity surrounding the birthing process - all forms of media cite the pain of childbirth and mothers try to out-do each other with the horror stories of their labour.  HypnoBirthing endeavors to act as a counterpart reaction to this; with deep relaxation, breathing and meditation techniques the birthing process doesn't need to filled with screams and writhing in pain.

Months of reading Marie Mongan's HypnoBirthing and listening to her CD, and attending HypnoBirthing classes with Dany at Tums2Mums, and listening to her mp3s, had me looking forward to a calm, natural birth.  The techniques I'd learned had already helped with the SPD pain I was experiencing, so I was confident they would also be useful during the birthing process.

My due date came and went.  I always thought the date was wrong, and my hunch was that Pickle would arrive two weeks early.  Hastily I booked my bump photo shoot for week 37 with Harriet of Buckingham Photography (future blog to follow on both this and the baby shoot, though you can see some pics already here and here) and BoyWonder and I also did a bump casting at home.  Then I waited, but was surprisingly not terribly impatient, despite my growing enormity.  I figured (thanks to the HypnoBirthing teachings) that Pickle would arrive when Pickle was good and ready.

I "grew" for another
6-weeks after this!

Then, the Thursday during week 42 (i.e. 2 weeks after my "due date"), a nurse suggested induction.  On the spot.  BoyWonder was at work, so I declined, and said I'd come back on the Sunday if necessary.  With BoyWonder's birthday on the Saturday, I thought we'd wait to see how things progressed naturally.  I had a feeling things would start happening any day now, so after chatting to Dany that evening, I went to bed as usual.

1:28am I awoke with a start.  That was not a Braxton Hicks (practice birthing sensations).  I waited to see if it happened again.  Sure enough it came pretty quickly, so I woke BoyWonder up, and received a "oh, ok... can I go back to sleep now?".  Umm, no, we have to time them.  My surges (contractions in HypnoBirthing-speak) were coming five to five-and-a-half minutes apart.  Another request to go back to sleep from BoyWonder, and he lobbed his phone at me to time my surges.  Now, I was trying to use HypnoBirthing techniques and listen to Dany's calming voice on my laptop, so coming out of a relaxed state to press a freaking button on a phone was not particularly helpful.  But I was calm enough, and soon got fed up laying in bed.  So I got up to get a top out of the dryer* that I wanted to wear to hospital, and decided to phone my Mum in Australia at the same time.  By now my surges were about four minutes apart, and I chatted away to my Mum after telling her I was having her grand-baby.  I did get quiet every now and again during our half-hour or so call, and was doing pregnancy yoga moves along with my Hypno breathing.  Eventually, when my surges were coming between two-and-a-half and three minutes apart, I told Mum I should call the hospital and she hastily despatched me!

I woke BoyWonder up again, he phoned the hospital and they told us to come in.  Not before I had a shower, as I had no idea how long it would be until I got the next one.  So we both showered and dressed and drove the few minutes up the road at around 3:30am.

My birth plan detailed an active birth (using the pregnancy yoga moves I had learnt) followed by a relaxed and calm water birth using deep relaxation.  But first an examination was required to monitor Pickle and see how dilated I was.  Apparently I was only around 2cm (10cm is when the baby is ready to emerge), however the midwives were concerned with Pickle's heartbeat.  While it's natural for a baby's heartbeat to slow during a surge (or contraction), Pickle's was taking a while to recover after each, which could indicate that he was getting distressed.  A doctor was called.  To say she was abrupt would be the understatement of the century.  I wasn't allowed to sit on the yoga ball, stand, squat or lie on my side.  Instead I had to lay flat on my back - the most unnatural way for a woman giving birth, and one that increases discomfort considerably.  Not once did the doctor ever look me or BoyWonder in the face - she sort of just gazed in the middle of us while telling us what was going to happen.

During all of this, the surges were coming every two minutes or so, and I kept with the Hypno techniques and breathing.  I registered with amusement, one of the midwives saying "she's so quiet".  They would ask me "are you having another one" and I would nod.

BoyWonder - despite his initial reserve at having his sleep interrupted - came through wonderfully and questioned the doctor about changing my position, and then about what would happen if we waited ten or fifteen minutes before the sweep; then the breaking my waters.  I said it was OK to go ahead, and he checked I was sure - this is all part of the HypnoBirthing training, and it meant I felt in control of the process, and didn't feel pressured (mind you, the doctor wasn't best pleased).  And let me assure you, neither procedure is one I'd choose unnecessarily!  When neither procedure produced the results the doctor was looking for, she suggested an emergency Cesarean-section.  Now this really wasn't on the birth plan!  BoyWonder asked again what would happen if we waited even ten minutes, but I could hear Pickle's heartbeat and said it was OK, we needed to do what was best for the baby.  As long as I didn't have to have a general anesthetic.  I'd previously had an anesthetic consultation and the anesthetist at the time had insisted that is what I would need due to my previous back issues.  However, the lovely anesthetist that was present on the day said an epidural would suffice.

So off I was wheeled to be prepped for surgery.  BoyWonder was gowned.  I was tilted on a bed so the weight was on my left side to avoid the main vein that links to the placenta and also so my feet were raised which I think is supposed to help my blood pressure.  BoyWonder was seated on my right, so I really had to twist to see him.  I could feel tugging and pulling, but nothing else.  I kept using the breathing and visualisation exercises throughout.  And chatted to BoyWonder and the anesthetist when I felt like it.  The other medical professionals discussed music downloads amongst themselves.

Finally Pickle was out - it was 6:28am on Friday 19th August 2011, a mere five hours since I'd first awoken.  Though I still couldn't see past the sheet that had been placed in front of me, BoyWonder had a peek and discovered Pickle was a him!  Next on my birth plan was immediate skin-to-skin and breastfeeding.  But Pickle had been distressed and was covered in meconium (basically he'd pooed a little on the way out).  So BoyWonder got to hold him briefly while I caught a glimpse of his adorable little face out of the corner of my eye, but I loved him instantly.  I wasn't quite prepared for the depth or intensity.  And then they whisked him away as his breathing was a little fast (inhaling meconium can cause respiratory issues) to place him under a heat lamp and monitor him for a while.

I headed to recovery, and must have drifted off briefly, as the time seemed to whiz by - I was taken to the ward, what seemed like minutes later, but was almost two hours.  My little boy was brought to me about 15 minutes later, but it seemed like much longer; I finally got skin-to-skin contact with him just before 8:30am.  He was closely monitored, and at 2am that first night, he was whisked away as his breathing was still a little too quick.  His blood gases were checked, and I think it was something about not enough CO2 that required him to be taken to the Special (Intensive) Care unit.  I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach when they took him away from me; when the bought him back at 5am, I had the same physical reaction, but because I was so glad he was back with me - I can't even begin to comprehend how families cope with babies in there long term.

BoyWonder wasn't aware I was taking
this shot at the time  (in fact, I'm not
sure he's even seen this photo!) , he
was  completely entranced with Pickle,
which was lovely 

So while my birth plan - for all intents and purposes - was shredded and thrown to the wind, both the HypnoBirthing techniques and pregnancy yoga moves I learned, were invaluable and I'd highly recommend it to any Mums-to-be.  I'm not going to say that there wasn't discomfort, but my experience of the surges that were coming every two minutes while intense, were manageable.

I really wanted to breastfeed, and it was tricky at first - I had to express colostrum (the thick yellow liquid that comes before the milk) into a syringe a millilitre at a time.  Pickle latched on really well, but he didn't know he had to suckle.  It took us a couple of days (and one very long night), but with two fantastic breastfeeding support workers at the hospital (thankfully one on the day shift and one on the night), who were able to show me different holds and provide practical and supportive help, I persevered and Pickle finally "got it" the second night.  And that was another long night as all he wanted to do was catch up on the food he'd been missing!

As for the C-section... I've no idea why anyone would want to do one electively.  I understand if there are medical reasons behind it, but jeez, it's major surgery and has a much longer recovery period.  I was bed-bound with a catheter for the first 24 hours.  The SilverLining of this is that I got to avoid the meconium poos, and BoyWonder or the nurses changed those!  But the act of sitting up and then turning to pick Pickle up from the bassinet next to the bed was difficult and painful - I had to call the nurses if he was crying to be fed the first couple of days, or if they weren't quick enough, would struggle to do it myself.  Of course, BoyWonder helped me when we got home.  And this goes on for weeks.  Neither of us was prepared for how little sleep you get with a newborn!  But somehow your body just adjusts to cope.  It helps that Pickle is so darn cute the rest of the time!

Cheers, KangaRue :)

PS. For the record, though I thought Pickle was a boy from the day I found out I was pregnant, we never actually knew... think I must have inherited my Mum's white witch abilities.

*my friend Caroline had a dream that night that I was doing laundry and went into labour... perhaps she's got a bit of white witch in her too?

The Pickling Process

Photo used with permission.

I feel like I had an easy pregnancy with Pickle, though with hindsight, it did have its tricky moments.

I came off the contraceptive pill in August 2010.  And then... nothing.  I wee'd on a stick a couple of months later, but it came up negative, so I went to the doctor to say that my periods hadn't returned and was told to be patient.  In my late 30s, and with patience never my strong suit, this was difficult to say the least.  So off to Australia on a planned holiday BoyWonder and I  went (along with my brother Wayne).  It was a surprise for my Mum and this, along with my parents wedding vow renewal, TV cameras in tow, deserves a blog post of its own.  One day, while walking on the beach, my Mum asked if I was sure I wasn't pregnant and I'm pretty sure I snapped back at her in frustration (sorry Mum!).  Back to London, and back to the doctors; it was now 11 weeks since I came off the pill and I still hadn't had a period.  A different doctor tried to put me off by telling me to come back at the three month mark... which would have been the following week, so having private health insurance, I pushed for a referral on spot.

The following week, I went to see the loveliest doctor.  He planned to do three investigations that day, but after the internal exam (not the most comfortable experience!), he switched the process around to do the internal ultrasound.  "I can see why you're not having your period" he said.  I held my breath imaging him saying polyps, cysts etc.  "You're about 7 weeks pregnant".  How I sat up from the position I was in I don't know, but I was thrilled and more than a little stunned - I really had imagined the worst.  And I do consider myself lucky to have become pregnant so quickly, as I've had a number of friends struggle with various difficulties.

The next thing was to keep quiet... probably my next greatest failing after patience!!  We held out until Christmas to tell our parents and a few close friends.  And just made it to the 12-week mark before telling work.  While I felt really tired to start with, I barely had any morning sickness, just the occasional day of nausea.  Again, I count myself lucky; one of my close friends threw up every morning of her first pregnancy, except for a week right in the middle.

So on I pottered, getting bigger.  I actually lost weight the first trimester, which I'm sure was due to not only being more conscious of what I was eating, but cutting out alcohol.

Then one day, at around the half-way mark, I was walking through Soho when I slipped on a grape that had been dropped to the pavement.  I went flying, but the worst of my injuries appeared to be a badly scrapped knee.  I still bear a large scar.  My lower back hurt, but I didn't think much of it.

Unfortunately, the lower back pain got worse.  I have a great Osteopath, so went to see him.  After a few treatments, when I realised that the pain wasn't so much in my back, as in my hips and across my pelvic bone, he diagnosed Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD).  Pregnancy hormones help loosen the ligaments and joints in order to gain room for the baby to grow and for the actual birth.  In some cases, the loosening can happen too soon and/or too much - in my case it was both, likely brought on by my slip and aggravating a prior injury.  The ligament that joins the pelvic bone at the front was over-stretching and tearing.  SPD isn't common, and isn't particularly well known.  It probably helped that my Osteo is married to a midwife, and he suggested a Maternity Support Belt - not exactly the sexiest thing alive, but it helped.  My GP had been fairly unhelpful up to this point, just putting it down to regular pregnancy heaviness, though he did later refer me to the hospital physiotherapist; my appointment was lost twice and the third appointment was eventually scheduled for after Pickle's due date.

I was - quite frankly - in agony.  I only realise how bad it was now that I'm no longer in constant pain.  I struggled to walk, and stairs were extremely difficult.  Getting up out of a chair was a struggle - and this was before the third trimester "I've swallowed a watermelon" ensued.  Living in a Victorian Terrace, which was also undergoing renovations, was less than a joy.  If I left something upstairs it generally stayed there, or I'd ask BoyWonder to go and get it.  While he was understanding, he couldn't really comprehend the extent of the pain, and eventually got fed-up with my constant requests.  Now that I will happily go and grab something from upstairs he has realised I wasn't 'putting it on'.

While Transport for London kindly supply "Baby on Board" badges, there is a certain person - generally young, male and wearing a suit - who will spot the badge and proceed to avoid eye contact at all cost.  I'm aware this is a sweeping generalisation, and was indeed offered seats by young men wearing suits during my pregnancy, but the number that fit the stereotype was laughable.  Early on in my pregnancy, I stood right in front of one of these guys, who was also sitting in a priority seat.  While I felt able to stand most days at this point in my pregnancy, I was getting a hot flash; it was -2 degrees Celsius outside, but I started stripping hat, gloves and scarf off and was fanning myself.  Eventually I had to ask to sit down (there was a little old lady sitting next to him and I wasn't going to oust her from her seat!).  He got up, but would it have killed him to offer?  I gulped down my bottle of water I'd thankfully brought from home - I think I would have fainted if I hadn't sat down at that point.  Standing on public transport with SPD though was ridiculous - I went three stops on the tube one day, and the act of balancing aggravated my pelvis so badly I was bed-ridden the following day.  Out of necessity, I would be the one saying "excuse me would you mind if I sat down?" to someone youngish and healthy looking.  I only had one person say no - well actually, the middle aged guy shouted "what, what!" in my face, and the chavvy looking guy sitting next to him that I thought would be unreceptive, hastily offered me his seat.

Years ago, my friend Joe studied hypnotherapy in London before returning to Australia.  At the time he mentioned that one day when I was pregnant, I would have to look into hypnotherapy for giving birth.  When telling him about Pickle, I asked him about it again.  He gave me a few questions to ask, which freaked out the first consultant I contact whose response was, shall we say, less than positive.  Luckily, I discovered Dany from Tums2Mums on Twitter, who was happy to answer my questions, and offered to meet BoyWonder and I prior to signing up for a HypnoBirthing course (which we started the following week).  The techniques and mp3s Dany provided not only helped me to remain calm and focused during the birthing process (more on that in a later post), but also for the remainder of my pregnancy AND helped with pain control for the SPD.  I was doing Pilates and yoga prior to becoming pregnant, and continued these for the duration of my pregnancy, which I'm sure helped with focus and calm... the latter not necessarily being one of my most natural states.

Photo used with permission.

I did end up on crutches for the last month of my pregnancy, but regardless of this, and other than the pins and needles that appeared in my hand, and the day I partially lost my eyesight for a couple of hours with subsequent headaches, and the cankles I was lumbered with towards the end, I still consider myself lucky to have had a relatively easy pregnancy, with my SilverLining no doubt being the gorgeous little boy that I am very thankful for.

Cheers, KangaRue :)

Competitive Mums already...?!

I have a lovely yoga teacher.  I was doing her classes before my pregnancy, and switched to pregnancy yoga this year.  The first 8-week set of classes I attended commenced with about 8 attendees, gradually dwindling as Mum's-to-be left on their maternity leave.

Just one new face last week, and another newbie this week.  A maximum of 5 attendees this round, so a small, intimate class.  Now I must say, everyone I've met so far has been just lovely.

So today's new girl is barely showing, but is at the 20-week mark (where I am).  I feel enormous, and said so with a laugh.  Some sarky comment came back at me... I'm surprised at how the competitive Mums are already showing up.  I mentioned that it depends on how each person's uterus is positioned... and got a smug smile back.

So I turned to one of the girls I've known a while and mentioned that I saw the doc last week, and had mentioned that I'd been worried that I'd not put any weight on yet.  New girl then, a little more quietly, mentioned that she'd already put a stone on.

Who's smug now then?  But perhaps I shouldn't have said that I actually lost 4kg's the first month after I found out I was pregnant... and have actually put on 600g since  *blush*

Has anyone else come across competitive Mums this early on?

PS.  I'm off for my 20-week scan tomorrow, wish me luck?  Halfway there!

Cheers, KangaRue

Stressed much?

I've been lucky so far with my pregnancy, I fell pregnant pretty quickly (at the "geriatric" age of 37) and have had very little "morning" sickness etc, etc.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with pins and needles in the fingers of my right hand.  6 hours later they finally went.  In the interim I jumped onto Twitter and asked if anyone else had experienced it - a couple of people asked if it was pregnancy related... bizarre, "how are pins and needles in my fingers pregnancy related?" I thought.  Apparently it is - having then searched online, I found out that sleeping on my back (which I had that night), can cause it.  Sleeping on my left hand side has alleviated it - if it kept happening, apparently a wrist splint may have helped.

So when on Saturday I got spots before my eyes, that increasingly got larger, started flashing and then went to blur (I could only see half of BoyWonder's face when I looked at him), I only slightly freaked.  And then the headaches - on and off since - kicked in.  Jumping online I worried that it could be pre-eclampsia.  Had any of these symptoms lasted for more than a couple of hours at a time, I was prepared to go to the hospital, but they didn't, so first thing on Monday I went to the GP.

The GP tested both my blood pressure and urine, both of which were normal.  But he was concerned, so he sent me to the emergency eye clinic at Queen Mary's Hospital.  Spending over four hours in the hospital to be told a doctor couldn't see me that day was frustrating, so I headed back first thing this morning, this time organised with books to read.  Which was a pointless effort, as they nurses soon put drops in my eyes that, once the stinging wore off, had the world in a complete blur!

After further examination, it turns out that it's likely a type of migraine.  With pregnancy your blood vessels get bigger in order to pump the additional 5 litres of blood in your system without raising blood pressure.  While the doc wants to run some blood tests etc. tomorrow, it's likely that it's just one of those pregnancy-related things.

Oh, and was I under any stress... between working full-time, studying part-time, and being pregnant, no... but perhaps my plans for five loads of washing, gardening, study and baking a cake for the weekend was expecting a bit much.  As it was, I got none of these things done, as I've been suffering with the headaches or asleep to escape them... so I guess this is a SilverLining that it wasn't anything serious, Pickle is fine, but it was just my body letting me know that perhaps I need to slow down a bit.

Cheers, KangaRue